She's Come Undone

I had an outfit post and some chatter about Project Runway for today that never materialized because things kind of fell apart when I got home this afternoon.

Being a mother is a lot of hard work for little payoff. Being the mother of three teenage daughters is kind of like Sisyphus pushing the giant boulder uphill only to see it come rolling back down just before you reach the top. My youngest daughter and I have been at odds for most of this year. Despite the fact that she is a super smart straight A student she has not been making very good life choices. A few weeks ago she was caught doing something and punished. Today when I got home she was on the phone which she knew she was a no-no. This led to a major blow up. Which led to her spending the weekend at my parents. Which led to me crying hysterically in the shower.

I don't have a career so to speak. I work for my family's business which allows me to have the flexible schedule I need to parent my children. My ex husband left and never looked back. He's not involved at all. Being a mother is the only real job I've ever had and I feel like I'm failing miserably. It is not a good feeling to know that your daughters are not really fond of you. They think I'm a tyrant that is trying to ruin their lives for shits and giggles. That is not the case. We've gotten to this place and I don't know how to pull us out of it. I'm so tired of fighting for us to be a family and for them to be smart enough not throw away their futures. Honestly, I'm ready to wave the white flag of surrender. They've finally broken me because I don't know where I'm going to find the strength to tough out these last few years before they leave for school. I feel like a failure.

*photo found at ppusa flickr stream