Monday, March 3, 2014

musings{motherhood monday}

With 9 weeks to go motherhood is on mind a lot! I became a mom for the first time at 18! Eight-freaking-teen! When I look back at that the girl I'm kind of awestruck by the fact that she thought she could do this-take on this responsibility. Of course I was in way over my head. But even knowing what I know now I wouldn't change my decision. I would be more deliberate in my choices but I cannot imagine my life without the four amazing people who call me mom!

And now, seventeen years after my youngest, I'm doing it again. This baby is such a blessing in so many ways. We struggled for years trying to conceive. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is possible for a woman who has given birth four times to be diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Clearly, the universe has a twisted sense of humor. We had long and emotional discussions trying to figure how much "intervention" we could handle and how much was too much. Was there a point where we would just have to let go and accept that a biological baby wasn't in the cards for us? If so, was adoption a viable option? Over the course of a year and half I charted, took all sorts of vitamins, cleaned up my diet, underwent a few (mildly invasive) procedures and we tried. When that didn't work I was prescribed Clomid. It felt good to be more proactive about our situation. We decided on several rounds of Clomid before moving on to IUI. It was on that final cycle of Clomid that I finally saw that (+) sign show up. I was so shocked that it took two more tests to convince me I wasnt hallucinating! This all happened the night before my husband's 41st birthday. I don't think either of us will ever forget the Saturday morning I told him we were going to have a baby. Best birthday Ever!

I'm a completely different person than I was 22 years ago when I became a mother. I look back at that fearless girl and admire her nerve. Because I know how hard it can be and the challenges that come with motherhood I'm slightly terrified! Do I have the physical and emotional energy to keep up with a baby? How will it affect my marriage? How will I balance building my business and baby? Will I lose the baby weight(shallow but true)?

This pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster. I'm nervous, anxious and excited-and that's just over the course of an hour! But, the closer we get to D(elivery) Day the more excited I get! I can't wait to see this little nugget, hold him in my arms and cover his sweet tiny face in millions of kisses!

*motherhood posts will run on Mondays 

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